Last week I saw the play Stories at the National Theatre with Monica Douglas-Clark.


The bio for the play reads…

How do you have a baby when you’re 39 and single? Anna is ready for children. The only problem: she’s recently been dumped. Determined to start a family of her own, Anna sets off on an eye-opening, hilarious and heart-warming journey to have a baby and write her own story.’


The play sees Anna navigating her way through the grief of losing her partner and trying to figure out what to do next as the awareness of heading into her 40s with unsuccessful  natural conception and IVF under her belt which was cleverly scripted and funny at times.  So many layers were explored, some of which I could identify with especially the re-visitation of ex’s (lol I’m sure that I dated a few of those characters portrayed in this play) and the research into using donor sperm with the uncertainty of taking this option.

Pursuing motherhood at all cost is not a path that I can fully identify with especially as I made the choice not to pursue assisted conception, so I was intrigued with the many questions the play brought up for me. Some scenes left me wondering about the desperation of (a women’s need or desire) to belong and to fit in with regards to friends, social groups and status and also about the desperation to create a life which lead me to wonder who thinks or speaks for the unborn child??? As much as I support that we all have a choice that we are allowed to exercise, I did wonder if a child has the right ‘not’ to be born, which was subtly raised. I also wondered who’s right was more important, the right to have a child (but who said we are entitled to this???) or the right not to be born under these circumstances???

Weather it is the disappointment after disappointment of seeing your period, every month, the fact that you cannot make sense of why ‘this man’ does not want children with you or you are struggling to conceive there is one common element to all of this…. we have all struggled and we all have the right to be happy.


When I met Civilla Morgan

I came across Civilla Morgan when she was interviewed during World Childless Week. After hearing her talk I knew that we needed to connect. So I emailed her and this evening we got to talk and talked and talked!!! So to cut a long story short I will soon be doing a podcast interview with Civilla and we will be pushing all kinds of boundaries. So watch this space…..



Motherhood Missed

Last year I meet Lois Tonkin who was interviewing women for her book Motherhood Missed. One afternoon I went into London after work and sat with Lois and we talked for a couple of hours discussing my journey and the grief of childlessness. Around a year later I received my copy of the book this morning. I am looking forward to reading my the book. Get your copy and catch me at chapter 134…

Motherhood Missed

Gabrielle Union’s Infertility Heartbreak…

I read a post titled ‘Gabrielle Union’s Infertility Heartbreak: “I Have Adenomyosis” ‘ which, I have to say, brought a tear to my eyes. At 43 I was broken after hearing the news that I had unexplained infertility which lead me to the realisation that I would not become a mother. But for as long as I can remember I have suffered from painfully heaving periods, which has lead to me being anxious at work, especially when I am in a meeting, having to leave work early because I frequently leak, overdosing on pain killers because I cannot function with the pain and all the sleepless nights because I am either woken up by the pain or the need to change every 2 hours. I have even had to be on iron tablets or received an iron infusion because I have become anaemic due to the blood loss. Over the years all I had ever heard from my doctors is that maybe its because of my age, until one doctor, 3 years ago, decided that this needed to be investigated because of my anaemia.

I have always known that I have fibroids but, during my fertility investigations (at 43 years old), I was told that the fibroids were inoperable but they shouldn’t affect my chances of getting pregnant. 4 years on, at the age of 47, a consultant finally decided to investigate further and sent me for an MRI. This showed that I have adenomyosis. I also discovered that the adenomyosis could have been the reason for my fertility issues so reading Gabrielle’s post I just couldn’t help but cry. The anger that the health professional, who are supposed to be helping, didn’t see the need to help with my monthly pain or with connecting the dots regarding my periods and inability to conceive with my husband.

I am at the end of my ‘trying to conceive’ journey and have spent the past 4 years grieving the loss of motherhood and although I am in a much stronger place the thought that I had an undetected condition that possibly affected my chances of conceiving does have me pause for thought. I cannot help but consider what could have been if at the adenomyosis was discovered sooner. I now have new tears for the pain in my heart that has been added to my grief of childlessness.