I was invited to a christening party today, by a friend who was celebrating his first grandson. What a special time in his life. As I watched my friend proudly stand up and talk his grandson escaped his mothers arms to explore his surroundings and all I could do was watch yet another experience that my husband and I will never have as I fought back my tears. Thankfully my husband realised what was happening for me and briskly took me for a walk.
During our walk we talked and I think that this was the first time that I asked him if he feels the pain too. It did give me comfort to hear that he does but at the same time it is a pain that I wish that he did not have to share. As we talked we questioned if we would make good parents, we wondered what our children would have looked like and we questioned how different we would have been as parents from our own parents. As we talked I realised that these were questions that we didn’t ask ourselves when we were trying to conceive our baby.
So I am now sitting here reflecting on my busy weekend. It started last Friday when I went up to Birmingham to film an interview for On the couch TV with Marcia M Spence. Check me out at around 32 seconds. I am looking forward to seeing the final cut. I will post more details when they are available.
On Saturday I was interviewed by Jody Day. As you know Jody has been such an integral part of my journey and without her none of this would have been possible. I have watched some of the interviews that Jody has done in the past starting with her interview with Karen Malone Wright from TheNotMom.com. As a black women it was great to see Karen talking about her childless status, somewhat of a taboo in many cultures. I also enjoyed Jody’s interview with Lisa Manterfield of Lifewithoutbaby.com, I just loved reading Lisa’s book ‘I’m taking my eggs and going home’. To now be part of this crowd feels like such an honour. Thanks Jody!
My weekend ended with an interview on the Edward Adoo show on BBC Three Counties radio. I was surprised to receive a call last Thursday from one of the producers of the show who, after reading my interview in the Luton News called to invite me on the show. So I arrived for 8pm and nervously waited for my slot.
Edward and his team helped me to feel at ease and were very grateful that I was able to share my story on their show. It was a wonderful and humbling experience and one that I hope will touch many of their listeners.