The awkward moment…

So I was enjoying an evening meal with some female friends when the young waiter come over to our table and asked if we are all mothers. When asked why the waiter informed us that we should see the film ‘Boss Baby’ a film, as he put it, that mothers will enjoy and have something to talk about afterwards. So me (feeling a bit annoyed at this comment) asked him if only mothers can enjoy the film? to which he replied no but mothers will be able to relate to the content. Oh boy!!! I started twitching in my chair, I’m sure that my face was equally as active as my body was.  In that moment (as much as I could see that he was just trying to be friendly) I battled with staying silently annoyed at his (innocent) comment or lovingly educating him on the pitfalls of what he had just said.

Yep I went with the latter…

Conscious of my feelings, I adjusted my body language (to appear friendly), leaned in and said as gently as I could, “I would like to say that for someone who has unsuccessfully tried for many years to have a child I find your comments insensitive. I realise that you didn’t mean this but I know women who would have left this restaurant crying after hearing what you have just said. Just because I do not have children I do have nieces and nephews as well as friends who have children so I am sure that I have the ability to understand the film…” and boy did I feel good afterwards!!! This wasn’t about embarrassing him in any way (that’s just not who I am), it was about reclaiming my power and having the confidence to say ‘No’ to a situation that had the potential of ruining my evening.

My annoyance didn’t drive me to attack the young man who, lets face it didn’t have a clue about the impact he was having on me, but instead it allowed me to ask myself what I needed in that moment. And in that moment I needed to speak. The waiter also went away realising that he shouldn’t make assumptions about the group of women sitting at the corner table…

 

 

 

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Ted Talk Hull

On Friday the 31st March I attending a live Ted Talk event in Hull. OMG I was so excited esp as I’ve watch a few Ted talks on YouTube and most importantly because Jody Day was giving her very first talk. And I was there to experience it!!!  The event was labelled ‘From Where I Stand’ where 10 speakers presented their talks, on varies topics from ‘How culture is messy and how that’s good’, ‘Alien worlds and extraterrestrial life – where are they?” to ‘Alograve: algorithmic dance” and “The surprising things I learned exploring the planet earth”. 

Jody’s talk was titled “The lost tribe of childless women” and I have to say, Jody was amazing. Jody presented our (childless women’s) reality of living in this world where we can find it difficult to truly belong. Jody talked about how we are perceived and sometimes not accepted including how others (with children) try and fix us with their endless misunderstanding of what we are going through. I just loved her term ‘bingo questions’, because on a good day you can get a full house’ which listed questions such as; “…have you thought of adoption and did you hear about the 50 year old who’d just given birth in….”  ARGGGGGGGH!!! BIG SIGH!!!!!

I felt that Jody set out to challenge the mindsets of those who have probably never really considered our position in society or feelings around being childless before (and maybe in some respects she challenged their own perceptions and also where they feel they are positioned in their circles). It was great to be a part of this historic moment. Keep an eye out for her Ted talk link…